Stop Being Feral

It needs to be said so I’m just going to say it:

“There are thousands of right ways to homeschool. Just because your way works for you, doesn’t make it the right way or the best way for everyone around you.”

Or, let’s put it this way:

“Just because someone you know homeschools a certain way and their kids are happy/thriving does not automatically mean it’s the right way for you.”

What often happens is something like this:

Groups of women sit around and gab about their homeschooling choices/methods and they need everyone in the circle to make the exact same choices as they do. It’s the blind leading the blind. We, as a tribe, do this subconsciously. If the group does not all agree on every point, it stirs up something feral. Those feral feelings, let’s call them insecurities, rear their heads and typically start a competition war. Whose method is better, whose is more right, who has researched deeper, who has a degree in this field, who is more experienced, etc. We all react to this type of gab in different ways. Some of us vocally start doubling down with our learned experiences or clout, some of us retreat into silence because there is a battle waging in our minds about all the things we are messing up in our lives. Both tend to go home and lay awake at night riddled with fear and insecurity.

You get the picture. I’m sure your head is nodding and your heart is racing a little because you know exactly what I’m talking about and it’s uncomfortable.

The first thing I’d like to challenge you with is this: Different is not wrong. Instead of subconsciously comparing and trying to be the most right person in the room or beating yourself up for not doing it like everyone else, let’s be open, curious, encouraging, and humble in our gab. Let’s listen and converse more, let’s compete less. Let’s watch our sales-pitches and make sure they are informative and encouraging, not condemning or given with the goal of affirming our own insecurities.

The second challenge is this: You don’t need validation from other people as much as you think you do. You are not called to obey other people, you are called to obey Jesus. There are thousands of ways to homeschool because kids are all so different, family structures are different, each family’s goals in homeschooling are different. One child may be ready for heavy academics at age 3 and another child may just need to chill, play, & read some sweet books for a few more years. You know what? It’s ok. Both of them. One family may need the structure and rhythms of something like Classical Conversations and another family may need the freedom that unschooling brings. Both are ok. And do you know what’s even more fun? Being friends with and encouraging moms who do it differently than you. You just might learn something by stopping those feral feelings of insecurity and cheering another mom on in her choices.

I’m here. On the other side of homeschooling. I’m a graduated homeschooler myself and a 15 year homeschool veteran of four kids. I am here to tell you something super important. Please hear me.

Kids turn out just fine whether you go the classical route, the unschooling route, the Charlotte Mason route, the Montessori route, the co-op down the road route, the hybrid route, the online route, the literature based route…you get the point?

Is there a wrong way to homeschool? Of course, there is. But it has more to do with sin issues, abuse, neglect, and laziness…not educational methods or how old someone is when they can read or have something memorized.

I’ve seen kids get into MIT after years of unschooling, I’ve seen kids go the technical/apprenticeship route after years of classical/heavy academics route and everything in between.

So, I’ll say it one more time.
You do not need everyone around you to homeschool the same way you are and you do not need to worry if you are homeschooling differently than everyone around you.

Let’s give each other the freedom to choose by being encouraging and curious. Let’s be each other’s biggest cheerleaders instead of the used car salesman of the group. Tell those feral feelings to go to Jesus, pour out their worries there instead of pouring them all out on your fellow homeschooling mamas.

Ok. Good talk. Now let’s go be encouraging and curious.